Talking to your adult kids about your finances and how you plan to divvy up your money after your death may be one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have.

But … the majority of families aren’t comfortable talking about money—at least with one another. What’s getting in the way?

The heavy legal work of estate planning is done in ink and paper, often also in a banker’s ledger. However, the heart and even much of the practical work is done in conversation with your loved ones. So how do you start and go about this talk?

This is a difficult subject, but fortunately it is one for which there is much advice. Consider a recent Kiplinger article titled “The Family Money Talk You Must Have.”

That article gives both pithy advice and stories to back it up. The key lesson is to stop avoiding the topic, but to engage it head on. There are many reasons to avoid the family wealth and estate planning topic. Every family has its own dynamics.

Maybe you do not know how to say there is an “estate.” After all, you may have kept your financial condition close to the vest over the years. All the same, what is unknown cannot be planned, either by you (the one establishing the plan) or by the heirs who will receive it.

Well, how do you get there and how does the rest of the conversation go? Good questions to ponder. Remember, the answers depend almost entirely on you, your family, and the assets to discuss.

Reference: Kiplinger (November 2013) “The Family Money Talk You Must Have”

Mr. Amoruso concentrates his practice on Elder Law, Comprehensive Estate Planning, Asset Preservation, Estate Administration and Guardianship.