New York Estate Planning & Elder Law

Preparing for an Estate Planning Meeting / White Plains, NY & Greenwich, CT

“While most initial meetings with an estate planning attorney will result in some questions you likely have never considered, there are many ways in which you can prepare for a thoughtful and productive estate planning conference that will result in a better understanding of your goals and more efficient use of time with your attorney.”

Preparing to meet with an estate planning attorney for the first time is an opportunity to get organized and think about your wishes for the future. If you meet with your accountant every year to prepare tax returns, this may be a familiar process. It’s a chance to step away from day-to-day activities and focus on your life, as described in a recent article “Preparing for an Estate Planning Consultation: 10 Items to Consider Before Meeting Your Attorney” from The National Law Journal.

Minor Children Need Guardians and Conservators. In most states, families with minor children need a last will to designate one or more guardians to raise the children in the event both parents die. A successor should be named in case the first named guardian is unable or unwilling to serve. Discuss your decision with the people you are naming; don’t leave this as a surprise. Choosing these people is a hard decision. However, don’t let it be a reason to delay creating your estate plan. It’s better that you name a guardian, rather than let the court make that decision.

Agents, Trustees, and Power of Attorney. With a Durable Power of Attorney, your assets can be managed by a named agent if you become incapacitated. The person who manages your estate after death is the executor. They are named in your last will. If you have trusts, the documents that create the trust also name the trustees. It is possible for one person to act as a fiduciary for all of these roles, although the tasks can be divided.

Health Care Proxy and Health Care Agent Designation. If you are incapacitated, a Health Care Proxy or Health Care Agent can make medical decisions on your behalf, including following your instructions regarding life saving or life ending decisions.

Personal Property. Personal property, whether their value is sentimental or monetary, should be addressed in your will or trust to spare your heirs from squabbles over your personal effects, large or small. If you own a business or real estate, they also need to be addressed in your will or trust.

Charitable Donations. If you are charitably minded, your will is one way to make bequests and build a lasting legacy. Charitable donations can also be made to gain tax benefits for heirs.

Beneficiary Distributions. The beneficiary designation is the unsung hero of the estate plan. By managing beneficiary designations while you are living—updating beneficiary designations, assigning beneficiary designations to all accounts possible—you take assets out of your probate estate and smooth the asset distribution process. However, there are some wrinkles to consider.

Minor children may not receive assets until they become of age—18 in most cases. Do you want your children (or nieces or grandchildren) to receive an inheritance while they are still in their teens? Proper estate planning includes trusts created so a responsible adult can manage the trust on a minor or young adult’s behalf. Your trust can also be structured so the money may only be used for college expenses, or when the children reach certain ages.

Surviving Pets. You can plan for your pet’s care if you pass away or become incapacitated before they die. Most states permit the creation of a pet trust, an enforceable means of providing assets to be used for the care and well-being of your pet.

Your estate planning attorney will be able to provide you with a list of the documents she will need to get started on your estate plan, but these are the major issues that you will be discussing at your first meeting.

Reference: The National Law Journal (Feb. 23, 2021) “Preparing for an Estate Planning Consultation: 10 Items to Consider Before Meeting Your Attorney”

For more information on asset preservation and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.

How Do You Handle Probate? / White Plains, NY & New York, NY

“Although there is considerable legal information and misinformation, it is generally understood that a last will and testament is the device used to distribute property after death. However, the why, how and when are less familiar.”

While you are living, you have the right to give anyone any property of your choosing. If you give your power to gift your property to another person, typically through a Power of Attorney, then that person is your agent and may give away your property, according to an article “Explaining the basic aspects probate” from The News-Enterprise. When you die, the Power of Attorney you gave to an agent ends, and they are no longer in control of your estate. Your “estate” is not a big fancy house, but a legal term used to define the total of everything you own.

Property that you owned while living, unless it was owned jointly with another person, or had a beneficiary designation giving the property to another person upon your death, is distributed through a court order. However, the court order requires a series of steps.

First, you need to have created a will while you were living. A will is valid when it is properly signed; however, it can’t be used until a probate case is opened at the local District Court. If the Court deems the will to be valid, the probate proceeding is called “testate” and the executor named in the will may go forward with settling the estate (paying legitimate debts, taxes and expenses), before distributing assets upon court permission.

If you did not have a will, or if the will was not prepared correctly and is deemed invalid by the court, the probate is called “intestate” and the court appoints an administrator to follow the state’s laws concerning how property is to be distributed. You may not agree with how the state law directs property distribution. Your spouse or your family may not like it either, but the law itself decides who gets what.

After opening a probate case, the court will appoint a fiduciary (executor or administrator) and may have a legal notice published in the local newspaper so any creditors can file a claim against the estate.

The executor or administrator will create a list of all of the property and the claims submitted by any creditors. It is their job to ensure that claims are valid and have been submitted within the correct timeframe. They will also be in charge of cleaning out your home, securing your home and other possessions, then selling the house and distributing your personal furnishings.

Depending on the size of the estate, the executor or administrator’s job may be time consuming and complex. If you left good documentation and lists of assets, a clean file system or, best of all, an estate binder with all your documents and information in one place, it can alleviate a lot of stress for your executor. Estate fiduciaries who are left with little information or a disorganized mess must undertake an expensive and burdensome scavenger hunt.

The executor or administrator is entitled to a fiduciary fee for their work, usually a percentage of the estate.

Probate ends when all of the property has been gathered, creditors have been paid, and beneficiaries have received their distributions.

With a properly prepared estate plan, your property will be distributed according to your wishes versus hoping the state’s laws will serve your family. You also can use the estate planning process to create the necessary documents to protect you during life, including a Power of Attorney and a Health Care Proxy.

Reference: The News-Enterprise (Feb. 2, 2021) “Explaining the basic aspects probate”

For more information on asset preservation and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.

Do We Need Estate Planning?

“Everyone, regardless of financial status or age, can benefit from having an estate plan—assuming you have assets to leave and people to leave them to.”

Estate planning is not just about making a will, nor is it just for people who live in mansions. Estate planning is best described in the title of this article “Estate planning is an important strategy for arranging financial affairs and protecting heirs—here are five reasons why everyone needs an estate plan” from Business Insider. Estate planning is a plan for the future, for you, your spouse and those you love.

There are a number of reasons for estate planning:

• Avoiding paying more federal and state taxes than necessary
• Ensuring that assets are distributed as you want
• Naming the people you choose for your own care, if you become incapacitated; and/or
• Naming the people you choose to care for your minor children, if you and your spouse left them orphaned.

If that sounds like a lot to accomplish, it is. However, with the help of a trusted estate planning attorney, an estate plan can provide you with the peace of mind that comes with having all of the above.

If those decisions and designations are not made by you while you are alive and legally competent, the state law and the courts will determine who will get your assets, raise your children and how much your estate will pay in death taxes to state and federal governments. You can avoid that with an estate plan.

Here are the five key things about estate planning:

It’s more than a will. The estate plan includes creating Durable Powers of Attorney to appoint individuals who will make medical and/or financial decisions, if you are not able to do so. The estate plan also contains Medical Directives to communicate your wishes about what kind of care you do or do not want if you are so sick you cannot do so for yourself. The estate plan is where you can create Trusts to control how property passes from one person or one generation to the next.

Estate planning saves time, money, and angst. If you have a surviving spouse, they are usually the ones who serve as your executor. However, if you do not and if you do not have an estate plan, the court names a public administrator to distribute assets according to state law. While this is happening, no one can access your assets. There’s a lot of paperwork and a lot of legal fees. With a will, you name an executor who will take care of and gain access to most, if not all, of your assets and administer them according to your instructions.

Estate planning includes being sure that investment and retirement accounts with a beneficiary designation have been completed. If you don’t name a beneficiary, the asset goes through the probate court. If you fail to update your beneficiary designations, your ex or a person from your past may end up with your biggest assets.

Estate planning is also tax planning. While federal taxes only impact the very wealthy right now, that is likely to change in the future. States also have estate taxes and inheritance taxes of their own, at considerably lower exemption levels than federal taxes. If you wish your heirs to receive more of your money than the government, tax planning should be part of your estate plan.

The estate plan is also used to protect minor children. No one expects to die prematurely, and no one expects that two spouses with young children will die. However, it does happen, and if there is no will in place, then the court makes all the decisions: who will raise your children, and where, how their upbringing will be financed, or, if there are no available family members, if the children should become wards of the state and enter the foster care system. That’s probably not what you want.

The estate plan includes the identification of the person(s) you want to raise your children, and who will be in charge of the assets left in trust for the children, like proceeds from a life insurance policy. This can be the same person, but often the financial and child-rearing roles are divided between two trustworthy people. Naming an alternate for each position is also a good idea, just in case the primary people cannot serve.

Estate planning, finally, also takes care of you while you are living, with a power of attorney and health care proxy. That way someone you know, and trust can step in, if you are unable to take care of your health, legal, and financial affairs.

Once your estate plan is in place, remember that it is like your home: it needs to be updated every three or four years, or when there are big changes to tax law or in your life.

Reference: Business Insider (Jan. 14, 2021) “Estate planning is an important strategy for arranging financial affairs and protecting heirs—here are five reasons why everyone needs an estate plan”

For more information on asset preservation and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.

What Steps to Take when Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s / New York, NY & White Plains, NY

“Obviously, the first step is to work with your doctor to slow the progression. However, there are legal steps you need to take as quickly as possible.”

A diagnosis of Alzheimer’s or any serious progressive disease takes some time to absorb. However, during the days and weeks after the diagnosis, it is important to take quick steps to protect the person’s health as well as their legal and financial lives, advises the recent article “What to do after an Alzheimer’s disease diagnosis?” from The Indiana Lawyer.

Here are the legal steps that need to be taken before the person is too incapacitated to legally conduct their own affairs:

General Durable Power of Attorney—A person needs to be appointed to perform legal and financial duties when the time comes. This can be a family member, trusted friend or a professional.

Health Care Proxy / Health Care Power of Attorney—A person must be entrusted with making health care decisions when the patient is no longer able to communicate their wishes.

HIPAA Authorization—Without this document, medical care providers will not be able to discuss the person’s illness or share reports and test results. An authorized person will be able to speak with doctors, pick up prescriptions and obtain medical reports. However, it is not a decision-making authorization.

Living Will—The living will explains wishes for end-of-life medical care, including whether to prolong life using artificial means.

Funeral Plans—Some states permit the creation of a legally enforceable document stating wishes for funerals, burials or cremation and memorial services. If a legal document is not permitted, then it is a kindness to survivors to state wishes and be as specific as possible to alleviate the family’s stress about what their loved one would have wanted.

Medicaid Planning—Care for Alzheimer’s and other dementias becomes extremely costly in the late stages. A meeting with an elder law attorney is important to see if the family’s assets can be protected while obtaining benefits to pay for long-term and dementia care.

After the patient dies, there may be a claim against it from the state to recover Medicaid costs. By law, states must recover assets for long-term care and related drug and hospital benefits. All assets in the recipient’s probate estate are subject to recovery, except if a surviving spouse, minor children, a blind or disabled child is living or where recovery would cause hardship.

With good planning and the help of an experienced elder law attorney, the family may be able to mitigate claims by the government against the estate.

Reference: The Indiana Lawyer (Jan. 6, 2020) “What to do after an Alzheimer’s disease diagnosis?”

For more information on elder law and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.

Should You Update Your Will When You Move? / White Plains, NY & Greenwich, CT

“State-by-state differences in matters around taxes, inheritance, marital property and more make a thorough review imperative.”

In the excitement of a move from one state to another, people often forget that their estate plan may no longer be valid. That is because each state has its own laws about estate planning, according to a recent article “Moving to a new state? If so, make sure those estate plans have been updated” from CNBC. Once you’ve moved to a new state, you’ll want to find a local estate planning attorney to help.

A surprising 4.7 million Americans moved out of their home states last year, and while they may have had checklists including the obvious—driver’s license, finding a physician, and a new barber—finding a new estate planning attorney to update their estate plan may not have been at the top of the list. Or even the middle.

Many think a will that worked in one state is automatically valid in another, but that is not true. Other documents may not be valid, including power of attorney, living will or advance directive, health care proxy and any other estate planning documents.

The time immediately after a move is the right time to review documents for another reason: if your POA agent is now 1,400 miles away, is it realistic for that person to have that role? You probably need to find someone else. The same goes for your Health Care Proxy.

Health Care Proxies and other medical directives vary from state to state. What if the medical providers in your new state don’t recognize and won’t accept a health care proxy or medical POA from another state? If your documents are not accepted, your agent may not be able to make the decisions you had empowered them to make. Your family may need to go to court to confirm the validity of your documents. That is not something you want to force upon your family during a health crisis.

Certain states do not allow non-residents to serve as executors. Only three states allow a non-resident executor, and then only if they are directly related to you. Other states impose other restrictions, including requiring the non-resident to post a bond to protect your estate or appointing an in-state agent.

When people consider moving to another state, it’s often to lower their taxes. However, establishing a new state as your domicile and getting the tax benefit depends on many factors. Those factors include where you work, where you are registered to vote and what state issued your driver’s license. Also important: the address on your estate planning documents. If your estate planning documents have your old address while you are trying to establish a new state of residence, you could run into an expensive tax snag.

Speak with your new estate planning attorney about how your assets are titled, including your trusts. Certain types of titling are not recognized in different states. Community property, tenants by the entirety and joint tenancy, with or without right of survivorship, are all treated differently in different states.

Estate taxes also differ from state to state. While federal estate tax only applies to decedents with estates valued at more than $23.4 million (for 2021), state estate taxes, inheritance taxes and gift taxes are imposed at lower levels. Most states do not impose estate taxes on transfers to a surviving spouse, but you’ll want to know what the future will bring beforehand.

An estate planning attorney in your new home state can help you navigate the difference between your old estate plan and the one that will work in your new state.

Reference: CNBC (Dec. 14, 2020) “Moving to a new state? If so, make sure those estate plans have been updated”

For more information on asset preservation and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.

When Should You Start Filing for Social Security Benefits? / White Plains, NY & New York, NY

“Choosing when to file for benefits is a critical decision that will affect your monthly retirement income for the rest of your life.”

When it comes to planning for retirement finances, one of the most important decisions concerns when to claim Social Security benefits. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to the ideal time, but there are some key facts to consider, according to Daily Journal Online’s recent article titled “Are You Ready for Social Security? 3 Questions to Answer Before Claiming Benefits.”

First, how much do you have in retirement savings? Unless you have a healthy pension or another source of income, chances are you’ll rely on Social Security benefits plus your personal savings to cover costs during retirement. How much you have saved will definitely impact when you file.

Remember, the earlier you claim benefits, the smaller your monthly checks will be. If you start your benefits as early as possible, at age 62, monthly payments will be reduced by up to 30%. Wait until age 70, and your monthly benefits could be up to 32% more each month, in addition to the full benefit amount.

If you expect Social Security benefits to make up the bulk of your retirement income, it’s best to delay taking those benefits as long as you possibly can. If you have more than enough retirement savings, you can take your checks at any time.

How long do you expect to work? You don’t have to retire to claim benefits, but usually that is what happens. When you take benefits, may depend upon when you retire. Be realistic about your retirement date. Almost 40% of people left their jobs earlier than planned, according to a study by the Aegon Center for Longevity and Retirement. A third retired because of health issues, and more than a quarter retired because they were laid off.

If your retirement plan depends upon being able to work until age 70 to max out those Social Security benefits, then you need a backup plan in case you have to retire early. If you were thinking of retiring in your early 60s, see if you will be able to survive on a smaller monthly benefit if you claim earlier than your full retirement age.

What’s your spouse’s plan? If both you and your spouse are entitled to Social Security benefits, it makes sense to put a strategy in place. You may both retire and claim at the same time, or one may claim before the other. A common strategy is for the lower earning spouse to claim benefits early, while the higher earning spouse waits a few years. That way, you have a little extra income early in retirement, but the higher-earning spouse’s delay results in larger benefits later.

Life expectancy has to be considered also. Sad, but a fact of this stage of life: one of you will die before the other. When one spouse dies, the survivor can receive 100% of their Social Security benefit amount in survivors’ benefits. If the higher earning spouse can continue to work, the survivor will receive a larger monthly benefit when the first spouse passes.

Take some time to consider all of these elements when making a plan for Social Security benefits for retirement. While you’re planning, don’t neglect your estate plan. You need to have a Last Will and Testament, Power of Attorney, Health Care Proxy, HIPAA Release form and perhaps a Revocable Living Trust. An estate planning attorney can help create all of these documents to suit your unique situation.

Reference: Daily Journal Online (Dec. 23, 2020) “Are You Ready for Social Security? 3 Questions to Answer Before Claiming Benefits”

For more information on elder law, retirement planning and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.

What Legal Documents Should You Have? / Greenwich, CT & White Plains, NY

“A majority of retirees—53%—have a last will and testament. However, most lack six other crucial legal documents.”

You might think that the coronavirus pandemic has caused everyone to get their estate planning documents in order, but the 20^th annual Transamerica Retirement Survey of Retirees found that 30% of all retirees have nothing prepared—not even a will. That’s not good, for them or their families, says this timely article “6 Legal Documents Retirees Need—but Don’t Have” from MSN Money.

The survey revealed some troubling facts:

Only 32% have a Health Care Proxy (in some states a Health Care Power of Attorney or Medical Proxy), which allows named persons to make medical decisions on the retiree’s behalf.

Only 30% have an Advance Directive or Living Will, sharing their end-of-life wishes for medical care.

A mere 28% have a designated Power of Attorney, so an agent can act on their behalf to pay bills and manage finances if they are too sick to do so.

Worse, only 19% have written funeral and burial arrangements. Their families will be left to make all the decisions.

18% have a Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) waiver, which is needed so someone else may speak with health care and insurance providers on their behalf.

11% have a Trust of any kind.

The study shines a bright light on a big problem that will be faced by families, if their elders have not taken steps to prepare for incapacity or death. Ignoring the problem does not make it go away. It becomes more complicated, expensive and stressful for the loved ones left behind.

These documents and a last will and testament are needed so families have the legal right to take care of their loved ones while they are living, as well as handle their estates after they pass.

Without them, the family may find themselves having to go to court to have a guardian appointed in the event their senior loved ones are too ill to manage their financial affairs.

If the loved one should die and there is no will in place, the court will rely on the state’s estate laws to determine who inherits assets. An estranged family member could end up owning the family home and all of its contents, regardless of their absence from the family.

An experienced estate planning attorney can work with the family in a safe, socially distanced manner to create the necessary documents created before they are needed.

Reference: MSN MONEY (Dec. 15, 2020) “6 Legal Documents Retirees Need—but Don’t Have”

For more information on asset preservation and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.

What Kind of Estate Planning Mistakes Do People Make? / Greenwich, CT & White Plains, NY

“Many people plan their estates diligently, with input from legal, tax and financial professionals. Others plan earnestly but make mistakes that can potentially affect both the transfer and destiny of family wealth.”

Estate planning for any sized estate is an important responsibility to loved ones. Done correctly, it can help families flourish over generations, control how legacies are distributed and convey values from parents to children to grandchildren. However, a failed estate plan, says a recent article from Suffolk News-Herald titled “Estate planning mistakes to avoid,” can create bitter divisions between family members, become an expensive burden and even add unnecessary stress to a time of intense grief.

Here are some errors to avoid:

This is not the time for do-it-yourself estate planning.

An unexpected example comes from the late Chief Justice Warren Burger. Yes, even justices make mistakes with estate planning! He wrote a 176 word will which cost his heirs more than $450,000 in estate taxes and fees. A properly prepared will could have saved the family a huge amount of money, time and anxiety.

Don’t neglect to update your will or trust.

Life happens and relationships change. When a new person enters your life, whether by birth, adoption, marriage or other event, your estate planning wishes may change. The same goes for people departing your life. Death and divorce should always trigger an estate plan review.

Don’t be coy with heirs about your estate plan.

Heirs don’t need to know down to the penny what you intend to leave them but be wise enough to convey your purpose and intentions. If you are leaving more money to one child than to another, it would be a great kindness to the children’s relationship, if you explained why you are doing so. If you want your family to remain a family, share your thinking and your goals.

If there are certain possessions you know your family members value, making a list those items and who should get what. This will avoid family squabbles during a difficult time. Often it is not the money, but the sentimental items that cause family fights after a parent dies. Consider giving those items away to the intended recipients during your lifetime.

Understand what happens if you are not married to your partner.

Unmarried partners do not receive many of the estate tax breaks or other benefits of the law enjoyed by married couples. Unless you have an estate plan and a valid will in place, your partner will not be protected. Owning property jointly is just one part of an estate plan. Sit down with an experienced estate planning attorney to protect each other. The same applies to planning for incapacity. You will want to have a HIPAA release form, a Health Care Proxy so you are able to speak with each other’s medical providers and a Power of Attorney to handle one another’s banking and financial matters.

Don’t neglect to fund a trust once it is created.

It’s easy to create a trust and it’s equally easy to forget to fund the trust. That means retitling assets that have been placed in the trust or adding enough assets to a trust, so it may function as designed. Failing to retitle assets has left many people with estate plans that did not work.

Please don’t be naive about caregivers with designs on your assets or relatives who appear after long periods of estrangement.

It is not pleasant to consider that people in your life may not be interested in your well-being, but are interested in your finances. However, this must remain front and center during the estate planning process. Elder financial abuse and scams are extremely common. Family members and seemingly devoted caregivers have often been found to have ulterior motives. Be smart enough to recognize when this occurs in your life.

Reference: Suffolk News-Herald (Dec. 15, 2020) “Estate planning mistakes to avoid”

For more information on elder law and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.

How Much Should We Tell the Children about the Estate Plan? / Greenwich, CT & New York, NY

“Even those with thorough estate plans might have neglected to discuss details with potential heirs.”

Congratulations if you have finished your estate plan. You and your estate planning attorney created a plan that is suited for your family, you have checked on beneficiary designations, signed all of the necessary documents and named an executor to carry out your directions when you pass. However, have you talked about your estate plan with your adult children? That is the issue explored in the recent article entitled “What to tell your adult kids when planning your estate” from CNBC. It can be a tricky one.

There are certain parts of estate plans that should be shared with adult children, even if money is not among them. Family conflict is common in many cases, whether the estate is worth $50,000 or $50 million. So, even if your estate plan is perfect, it might hold a number of surprises for your children if you don’t speak with them while you are living.

The best estate plan can bequeath resentment and enduring family conflicts if family members don’t have a head’s up about what you’ve planned and why.

If you die without a will, there can be even more problems for the family. With no will—called dying “intestate”—it is up to the courts in your state to decide who inherits what. This is a public process, so your life’s work is on display for all to see. If your heirs have a history of fighting, especially over who deserves what, dying without a will can make a bad family situation worse.

Not everything about an estate plan has to do with distribution of possessions. Much of an estate plan is concerned with protecting you, while you are alive.

For starters, your estate planning attorney can help you with a Power of Attorney. You’ll name a person who will handle your finances if you become unable to do so because of illness or injury. A Healthcare Proxy is used to empower a trusted person to make medical decisions for you, if you are incapacitated. Some estate planning attorneys recommend having a Living Will to convey end-of-life wishes if you want to be kept alive through artificial means.

These documents do not require that you name a family member. A friend or colleague you trust and know to be responsible can carry out your wishes and can be named to any of these positions.

All of these matters should be discussed with your children. Even if you don’t want them to know about the assets in your estate, they should be told who will be responsible for making decisions on your finances and health care.

Consider if you want your children to learn about your finances during your lifetime when you are able to discuss your choices with them, or if they will learn about them after you have passed, possibly from a stranger or from reading court documents.

Many of these decisions depend upon your family’s dynamics. Do your children work well together, or are there deep-seated hostilities that will lead to endless battles? You know your own children best, so this is a decision only you can make.

It is also important to take into consideration that an unexpected large inheritance can create emotional turbulence for many people. If heirs have never handled any sizable finances before, or if they have a marriage on shaky ground, an unexpected inheritance could create very real problems—and a divorce could put their inheritance at risk.

Talk with your children, if at all possible. Erring on the side of over-communicating might be a better mistake than leaving them in the dark.

Reference: CNBC (Nov. 11, 2020) “What to tell your adult kids when planning your estate”

For more information on asset preservation and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.

What Steps to Take when Dementia Begins / New York, NY & White Plains, NY

“Holiday season is often a time when out-of-town children visit their parents for the first time in a while and notice that one of their parents has declined since they last saw them.”

Covid-19 has made travelling more difficult, so holiday visits this year may not be the same triggering event they were in the past. However, even an online holiday visit can reveal a great deal of change, reports a recent article “Elder Care: When the children don’t notice” from The Sentinel.

An elderly spouse caring for another elderly spouse may not notice that their loved one’s needs have increased. Caregiving may have started as the spouse needing a reminder to take a shower on a regular basis. As dementia progresses, the spouse may not be able to shower by themselves.

This quickly becomes exhausting and unsafe. If one spouse suddenly does not recognize the other and perceives their spouse as an intruder, a dangerous situation may occur, repeatedly. It’s time to discuss this with the children, if they are not available to notice this decline in person.

People are often reluctant to tell out-of-town children about this problem because they don’t want the added stress of having the children come to the rescue and making decisions that may be overwhelming. The children may also think they can come out for a visit and fix everything in the space of a few days. It’s not an easy situation for anyone.

A starting point, especially when early-stage dementia has been diagnosed, is to get an estate plan in place immediately, while the person still has the capacity to sign legal documents. Anyone who is old enough for Medicare (and anyone else, for that matter) needs to have an updated last will and testament, durable financial power of attorney for financial matters, a health care proxy and, in some states, a living will.

The financial power of attorney document will be the most practical because the family will be able to access financial accounts and make decisions without having to petition the court to appoint a guardian. A professional guardian might be appointed, which is extremely expensive and there have been situations where the professional guardian makes decisions the family does not want. A family member who can act under the power of attorney may be a much better solution for all concerned.

Speak with your estate planning attorney to be sure the POA permits wealth preservation. If it contains the phrase “limited gifting,” you want to discuss this and likely change it. You should also be sure that there is a secondary and even a third backup agent in case there are any issues with the people named as POA.

Spouses typically have wills that leave everything to their spouse, and then equally among their children, if the spouse dies first. However, what if your spouse is in a nursing home when you die? The cost of nursing home care can quickly exhaust all funds. If any family member is receiving government benefits and then inherits directly, they could lose important government benefits. These are all matters to discuss with your estate planning attorney.

Have a conversation with your children about your health care wishes and prepare a health care proxy. It’s not an easy conversation, but when the children know what their parents want concerning end-of-life care decisions, it relieves an enormous burden for all. Get specific—do you want a feeding tube to keep you alive? What about if the only thing keeping them alive is a heart-lung machine? Better to have these conversations now, than in the hospital when emotions are running high.

Another important document today is the HIPAA release. This permits healthcare providers to discuss and share information about your loved one’s medical care. Without it, even close family members are not legally permitted to be part of the conversation about health care, lab test results, etc.

Reference: The Sentinel (Dec. 11, 2020) “Elder Care: When the children don’t notice”

For more information on elder law and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.